I need some "motherly" (or fatherly) wisdom.
This weekend, Kay Arthur made a solid argument about how the media distorts the truth, and even more so the truths we hold dear in our faith. (Please keep in mind that I largely agree as someone with a newspaper background and a career, in part, dealing with media relations.) I realize more and more how different the Christian's view of life is and should be from the rest of society's if we base our worldview on the Bible.
I ran across this article today that asks the question, "Who says having kids makes you happy?" It's based on surveys and studies, but it seems to go completely against Biblical principles. Whatever happened to a man being blessed when his quiver was full of children (Psalm 127:4-5)?
I've often heard that parenthood is a journey out of selfishness, if it's done right. I guess that helps me understand how our ultra-selfish generation would make miserable parents. Is life really about pleasing ourselves to the utmost or about glorifying the God who made us?
I need the opinions of some honest parents -- Do you feel as though your marital satisfaction has decreased since having children? Do you feel as though your life has been enriched, or has the life been drained out of you? What would you say to someone reading this article, wondering if children are a blessing or a curse? Do you have any regrets or things you wish you could go back and change?
Please don't think I'm bashing anyone who chooses not to have children or can't have children. I know plenty of blessed, Jesus-serving people who aren't parents. I welcome comments from them, too. I'd just like some perspective.
7 comments:
I have only been a parent for seven years but three kids later ... I will tell you that our marriage has grown to a different deeper level of respect and understand with each child that was added to the Walker mix... and we have grown on an individual level with Christ and in life... I believe that children are a blessing and that God entrust them to us ... to help them grow in him and in his ways... so that their lives can impact this world ...make a difference ...however that pans out for each of them... I love my children and can remember wanting children long before I ever dated... I dreamed of being a mother... I had so many great mothers that I looked up to and admired... my own... who claims she had us for my daddy not herself...(she raised her siblings... her need was not as strong as my own...hehe!) but Eli did not come easy for us... it took years before I became pregnant... and I went through so many emotions... of almost giving up on a dream that I had birthed inside my heart long before the child... I can to this day tell you that I learned more about giving my wants and needs to God through that process... and I believe in the end I learned to be more thankful for these babies... than had they come easy for me... Eli was such a life saver when he arrived we were in ministry miles away from normal and home... he was my little angel that kept me going... God's timing was perfect...and later came cole whom we planed three years to the day of Eli -- they were due on the same day... he has been a child that has shown me more in his short life than any one person could imagine... he has taught me to look at life so different... look at each word... each daily task is an achievment ...his laugh his love his silly ways...he has made me know that great joy comes out of the little things... and to laugh-live- love!!! Dannah well she is God laughing at me and giving me a taste of what I put my parents through...she talks all the time... is a charmer... and prissy as the day is long...
they do drain the life out of you and if you are not careful you will forget who you were and are or where you are headed ...but those are some of the best conversation after they are fast asleep... and every day when they come and jump in the bed with you and give you pure joy with a sweet smile and snuggle... you melt ... you love... you know ...it is all worth it... and how much more does God love us... when he gets a moment with us to snuggle... to lay on the pillow and just be with us... it is sweet... we are not there yet... we are new to this... but the journey has been all I have ever dreamed of and more...I pray daily that each of my children will know God personally ...daily... that he will be their father as he has been mine...that they will call on him in the good times as well as the hard... that he will guild them guard them... and more importantly give us the tools to help them find their true purpose that he has for their lives...
so i hope that gives you little bit of how we feel... we live in this world yet we are not of this world... we see the big picture and we have a hope and a future... and I can say that through prayer and time spent with our father has always provided me much guidence...he promises to never leave us or forsake us... he gives all that we need to be the people he has created us to be... and no matter what is going on around us we can stand on those promises and take comfort...
Enriched! I have one child who is grown and married with two littles ones of his own. The second one is two weeks old today!
Having our son helped to bond my husband and I closer. His birth has allowed us to share something wonderful besides material things.
This is not true with all couples. I have known some personally that somehow never communicated with each other except THROUGH their children and when those littles grew and left the nest, Mom and Dad were sitting there looking at each other wondering "Who are you?" It took a great toil on their marriages.
I think every parent could look back and say they would do some things differently. We tried very hard to enjoy our son as he grew up but sometimes the pace of life accelerated beyond our ability to keep up. I would have to say I don't have and real regrets -- just might choose to do somethings better if I could.
Having children is a very personal decision. God told mankind to multiply and replenish the earth. That's been done...very well:)
Blessings to you,
Sherry
I am so glad that you commented on my blog so I could find you!
About this post...Wow...I will say that raising children can be VERY difficult. Without a doubt I have days where I want to run away. But I love them dearly and recognize them as gifts from God. And, without a doubt, parenting has brought me closer to the Lord and that certainly has made my life richer.
Without going into details and explanations, I'll tell you I am a selfish/loner type person by nature. I've never expected anyone to take care of me and so it never occurred to me that others would need me to care for them.
Until I had kids.
The only way I know to tell you what they've done to me is to say they make me want to be better - for their sakes. They give me a reason to think of someone besides myself. And seeing their little faces light up when I've done something that seems so small for them? Wow - I'd rather have that than something to please only myself any day.
I could go on....Of course Luke brings out all these things in me too but you are asking about kids.
Did this make any sense?? lol
My husband and I had always planned on having children "someday." However, God's plan is always best, and we now have a 4 month old son. I can honestly say that he is the greatest blessing we could ever ask for. It has certainly strengthened our love and respect for one another. I read another person's comment on how some parents realize once they have an empty nest that they no longer know their spouse. We make it a priority to remember that we were husband and wife BEFORE we became parents. We love our son more than words can say, but we make time to spend together just as husband and wife. In order to be the parents that God would have us to be, we must remember that in addition to our relationship with Christ, our marriage is the foundation of our family.
Just came across your blog and wouldn't you know this is something I have been thinking about lately. As a mother of 5 children, I have some pretty mixed views about this. I know that the children have been a stress on our marriage but they have been a blessing to it as well. Like so many other blessings, it is in the eye of the beholder. If you want to see the positive you will. If you want to see the negative you will. And I choose to see the beautiful smiles, and the hearty giggles. It is not easy this humble calling of motherhood, but the things worth doing usually aren't!
Beth - honest to God, kids are a blessing. It's parents who can sometimes be the curse...;) You are so right about the selfishness thing. I thought I was unselfish until I had Prescott; I learned that to be a parent, you have to give of yourself sacrificially ALL THE TIME. It's crazy, but know what? It makes you more Christ-like, b/c He gives of Himself (and GAVE AND WILL ALWAYS GIVE) ALL THE TIME. And you don't mind, b/c you love them so much, just like God loves you. And, b/c you are growing more Christlike, you become a better Christian, a better person, a better wife, a better mother,and a better friend. Honest.
For the other side of the coin, like any test of the will, any call to sacrifice, if you stiffen your neck or harden your heart to the call, it is a real challenge. You will truly be miserable if you view your children as a burden (i've got lots of friends who do!). So many people (men especially) seem to get caught up in me-time, and while a small dose of alone time is always healthy, you can't look at it as something you deserve; remember, we deserve nothing. Christ came into the world to save sinners, and raising Godly children is our way to send missionaries to the next generation. So, that's what I think...Our marriage is stronger and it feels complete with our little tagalongs...
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